# Earth Fanfic (Post-Contact Hilarity II) **URL:** \ **Category:** Fanfic\ **Tags:** humans\ **Created:** [November 2, 2024, 12:01am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244 "2024-11-02T00:01:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 2:43am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/21 "2025-02-04T02:43:15Z")
On the one hand, yes. On the other, how quickly does that change given how aggressively the Empire exports its brand of culture? ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 3:50am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/22 "2025-02-04T03:50:02Z")
The other side of this, thinking about tit-for-tat and that a lot of the motivation behind these current tariffs is to threaten other countries into performing various actions is, well – Opening negotiations with a threat _isn’t civilized_, and as such, game-theoretically, those who do so must be appropriately¹ punished during the next iteration so that they can learn to not defect from the norm. Tick-tock, Mr. President. Tick-tock. * * * 1. “Appropriately” in many cases and certainly this hypothetical means “don’t be so clever and ironic about it that there’s no way in All Under Heaven that the target will understand, even if he has people to explain it to him”. It’s really difficult! ---
**Author:** ![doctorcatfish](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/doctorcatfish/32/141_2.png) [@doctorcatfish](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/doctorcatfish)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2025, 6:30am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/23 "2025-02-04T06:30:36Z")
So basically, Carlos Wu has an Eldraic counterpart. Also, can someone please explain to relevant persons the distinction between _minarchy_ and _anarchy_? ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Kenny](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/scott_kenny/32/226_2.png) [@Scott\_Kenny](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Scott_Kenny)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2025, 4:44am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/24 "2025-02-05T04:44:31Z")
> [@doctorcatfish](#): > > Also, can someone please explain to relevant persons the distinction between _minarchy_ and _anarchy_? Most of them seem to think that the current US .gov is a minarchy… and therefore that any lesser hand on the governance scales is therefore _too small to govern at all_. ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2025, 3:08pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/25 "2025-02-06T15:08:13Z")
Dar-Bandal first-in scouts negotiating with Earth businesses, colorized: [https://www.instagram.com/p/DFsv170PyQC/?igsh=MWgwcW1odjdtODZnOQ==](https://www.instagram.com/p/DFsv170PyQC/?igsh=MWgwcW1odjdtODZnOQ==) Credit goes to the eternally relevant Sarah’s Scribbles ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2025, 9:59pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/26 "2025-02-07T21:59:05Z")
Kentucky Ballistics demonstrates punt gun: ![image](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/free1/uploads/eldraeverse/original/1X/7ee4f9a3b4be1dfa6e5eb1ccefad2d16e483ac78.jpeg) ![image](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/free1/uploads/eldraeverse/original/1X/492f6ebe87795e0a431953fb5c9a49ebbc36746e.jpeg) _Kaeth_ battlemaster: Hold my beer and hand me that… [some explosions later] Groovy. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Kenny](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/scott_kenny/32/226_2.png) [@Scott\_Kenny](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Scott_Kenny)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2025, 8:33am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/27 "2025-02-08T08:33:19Z")
I honestly thought that was the scale of normal _Kaeth_ weapons… Which would make a _kaeth_ punt-gun roughly the size of a 6lb cannon fitted with a stock… ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2025, 8:58pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/28 "2025-02-08T20:58:49Z")
On another note, having been linked to another story this morning concerning the TSA vandalizing luggage contents, one wonders how long it would be before some happy troll imports a genuine ICS-standard Secure Case™. (While a little heavy for ordinary use due to the microns-thick layer of metastabilized neutronium, they do come with certain advantages where unwanted openers them are concerned. Gonna need more than your standard-issue lock-breaking kit, assholes! Or a pry bar. Or a mechanical digger. Or explosives. Or _nuclear_ explosives…) Secure Case™. When the mail absolutely, positively mustn’t go astray. (The other option is worse. The other option is The Luggage.) ---
**Author:** ![ahd](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/ahd/32/70_2.png) [@ahd](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/ahd)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2025, 5:41am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/29 "2025-02-09T05:41:33Z")
Tell us about The Luggage in this AU. I _must_ know. ---
**Author:** ![Morgrim](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/morgrim/32/87_2.png) [@Morgrim](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Morgrim)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 1:08pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/30 "2025-02-13T13:08:19Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > (If they happen to be one of the rare human chimeras with a significant percentage subset, it’s going to throw some exotic error messages about not knowing who to restore, and someone gets a holiday - shipped out vitrified - at the actual hospital facilities out at Izar while they sort this mess out.) I suppose this is a classic case where a “visa for the purposes of medical treatment” would be issued, since the patient isn’t going to be able to pass the entry test while vitrified. Unless they’re classified as ‘cargo’ during entry and early treatment, then politely deported afterwards? Now I have a mental image of an official turning up to the hospital to administer said entry test, on the logic that “if you pass it there’s less paperwork for everyone, and you might get a free holiday while someone writes a paper on this mess”. ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2025, 4:07pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/31 "2025-02-13T16:07:10Z")
Box containing cystal universe, rendered impenetrable by stasis field. Cystal universe filled with servitors designed to guard the contents, should you somehow break into it anyway ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2025, 10:21pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/32 "2025-02-16T22:21:08Z")
So, on a random note, I just saw another little worldbuilding discussion (_dath ilan_, in this case) in which their advanced technology to deal with people of different sexes having to share a bathroom (“walls”) was brought up, and someone was quibbling about this being a problem due to walls being so expensive and space-intensive. At which point I find myself imagining the visiting Imperial inhaling deeply as their guide attempts to find a sufficiently tactful setting on the translator oh god it’s too late – “Well, darling, I’m afraid sometimes spending a little money is just the price you have to pay to not have a third-world shithole in your third-world shithole, what?” ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2025, 1:43am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/33 "2025-02-17T01:43:01Z")
On a further note, while this is and will remain the light-hearted thread, in light of the deranged shit now passing for the current zeitgeist, I am open to the existence of the parallel _Being Mercilessly Liberated Beneath The Extremely Fashionable Jackboots Of The Satrapial Regime, After A Certain Orange Pustule Decided To Pick A Fight With Exactly The Wrong Sophonts_ AU. Should you find yourself wanting to catharse about, and all. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2025, 6:13am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/34 "2025-02-17T06:13:38Z")
Elaborate, but probably too expensive to be commercially viable unless you are routinely mugged by God. Those who only have to deal with low-rent asshats will settle for crossing a suitcase-bot with an arachnoid RATS, then giving it the personality of, say, one of the larger breeds of mastiff when it comes to people who want to open it up and look at its preciouses. * * * _“I AM AN ANTI-THIEF DEVICE.”_ “Er… don’t you mean anti-theft device?” _“NO.”_ ---
**Author:** ![JHPrime](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/jhprime/32/54_2.png) [@JHPrime](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/JHPrime)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2025, 8:14am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/35 "2025-02-17T08:14:48Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > routinely mugged by God That sounds commercially unviable in and of itself. ---
**Author:** ![Morgrim](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/morgrim/32/87_2.png) [@Morgrim](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Morgrim)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2025, 1:56pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/36 "2025-02-17T13:56:21Z")
“We’re trying to build a thief-proof device, and asking Éadínah to send her best to test it.” “Why?” “Bragging rights, mostly.” And who knows, maybe they’re turn up some commercially viable invention along the way, but if not they’re still having fun. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 3:36am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/37 "2025-02-19T03:36:05Z")
If I were in the mood to do more Cultural Crossovers, possibly of Disney movies, watching S6E10-11 of _Once Upon a Time_ reminds me that Imperials would be very confused by the notion that the “princess archetype” doesn’t include an extensive education in law, governance, and the proper use of a battleaxe. (I mean, _also_ balls, high tea, and Very Nice Dresses, and yet…) ---
**Author:** ![zakueins](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/zakueins/32/65_2.png) [@zakueins](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/zakueins)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:45am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/38 "2025-02-19T07:45:53Z")
“Hi, I’m the Lock-Picking Lawyer and I’m working on disarming a cystal universal lock mechanism. Fortunately, it wasn’t made by Master Lock…” ---
**Author:** ![zakueins](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/zakueins/32/65_2.png) [@zakueins](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/zakueins)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 7:49am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/39 "2025-02-19T07:49:39Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > _“I AM AN ANTI-THIEF DEVICE.”_ > > “Er… don’t you mean anti-theft device?” > > _“NO.”_ “How do we write this one up?” “‘Auto-Darwination’?” “Doesn’t fit on the form.” “Damn. ‘Think of it as evolution in action?’” “No code in the system.” “‘Suicide by stupid?’” “_That_, we do have.” ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2025, 4:34pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/40 "2025-02-19T16:34:45Z")
Sounds like a good description of entropy [Previous page](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244.md?page=1) [Next page](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244.md?page=3)