# Earth Fanfic (Post-Contact Hilarity II) **URL:** \ **Category:** Fanfic\ **Tags:** humans\ **Created:** [November 2, 2024, 12:01am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244 "2024-11-02T00:01:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2025, 4:24am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/81 "2025-03-28T04:24:54Z")
Bear in mind that that article is talking about a gamma ray burst “from within a few kpc”; _one_ kiloparsec is a smidge over 3,200 light-years. I closed up the range, despite the lack of a really suitable candidate star, to give us a bit more bang for the buck and do a good job scorching the facing side. But, yeah, UV is going to be a very big problem in the long term. (That said, any self-respecting GRB rescue fleet will have brought a nice big sunshade. May need to step its arrival up to get it there in time to start with the atmosphere cleaning operations before the acid rain starts doing serious damage.) ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Treaty\_2](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/will_treaty_2/32/365_2.png) [@Will\_Treaty\_2](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Will_Treaty_2)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2025, 4:26pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/82 "2025-03-29T16:26:07Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > Unless there’s something in it for you. Aren’t technical pretexts for war fun? That was my thought on the matter; any sort of attack or attempted attack would technically be grounds for retaliation, though I don’t know whether that would account for whether or not it could have succeeded at all. Given Imperial views on korásmonïe(sp?) in general, I don’t know how much leniency they would be inclined to exercise WRT Earth and the polities thereof. Though, TBF, that may vary depending on who is in command. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 4:54am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/83 "2025-03-30T04:54:06Z")
> [@Will\_Treaty\_2](#): > > Might be helpful if we can see on a map what areas get hit? IDK if there might be some sort of map editor/map generator that’ll allow for that. Actually, in the _Charredverse_, to give it a convenient name, we get a little bit more on this map than I’d counted on by glancing at the previous one on the web: ![image](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/free1/uploads/eldraeverse/original/1X/b5cbcea2577d2a94d4872e7eb9a611889578cba2.jpeg) (Courtesy Google Earth.) So looks like you can also throw in all but the southern tip of New Zealand, all of New Guinea, SE Asia as far west as Thailand, a much bigger chunk of China than I had anticipated, most of Mongolia, and a slice of eastern Siberia. Also, just maybe, the Alaskan shore and the Aleutians, although I’m assuming stuff right on the curve gets at least lightly toasted thanks to Our Friend, Refraction. (Fortunately, _Fallout_’s physical laws not being in play, the mainland parts of Asia shouldn’t have to put up with a sudden onslaught of feral ghouls.) > [@Morgrim](#): > > If that rescue fleet doesn’t arrive, Australia would be _screwed_. We’d cope okay with the initial disaster - being food independent and having more than enough energy reserves for the rest of the year - but coastal China is one of the most densely populated regions on the planet, and _Australia is the only surviving bread basket_. > > When the survivors include most of China’s military and leadership, that’s a terrifying position to be in. Given the larger amount of China that survives now I have a better map and interpretation of same… well, I’m not sure if this qualifies as more or less of a problem, inasmuch as they would at least have enough fertile hinterland to feed themselves, maybe? On the other hand, there’s also a lot more people left to need feeding. (Of course, given that the east end of Russia is still there and that China has always wanted it, it’s at least plausible that some spite-fueled nukes are gonna fly, especially if Russia’s DEAD HAND system is active at the time.) > [@Morgrim](#): > > I suspect much of the surviving US Pacific fleet might be in coordination with Australia and New Zealand, under similar sort of logic to the Dutch East Indian fleet during WW2 (since the Netherlands wasn’t able to do anything due to a nasty case of nazis, when they were overrun by Japan they retreated south and became an unofficial branch of the aussie navy for a little bit under the logic of “and we’ll sort the political mess out later once we have some breathing space”). Makes sense. Alaska and Hawaii alone aren’t going to keep them supplied for very long. > [@Will\_Treaty\_2](#): > > If they were behind the Earth, could the crew of the ISS survive the GRB? Yes, although they may be looking to return to Earth pretty quickly. The atmospheric effects are unlikely to be friendly to things in low orbit (it bulges under radiation impact), so it may suffer some medium-term orbital decay. The same effect probably means that Starlink and GPS constellations are toast, incidentally. > [@Will\_Treaty\_2](#): > > Actually, though, how badly damaged would the other side of the planet be on the whole? > [@Maximilian\_Crichton](#): > > Assuming the GRB kills off the fauna but the flora limp through, there’s going to be a massive corpse-cataloguing and reseeding program to stabilize the American continental ecosystem. If the flora buy the farm as well, I’d requisition a 1 gigaton aspirin tablet for the rescue fleet’s ecopoiesis team Mass-extinction-event-level-wise. But for our purposes, carefully fine-tuned to a level that is narratively interesting. Certainly everyone out of doors got a fatal suntan; the ecosystem was fairly wrecked (although it would recover in time); there were no doubt massive fires among the houses built out of straw, although the massive rainstorms as water from the heated oceans and ionization in the atmosphere fell back down again probably extinguished most of them before they became firestorms. Enough to call for hard ecopoetic labor to save the existing ecosystem; few enough survivors to not have any going concerns on that hemisphere but enough for it to be worth looking for them; plenty of surviving cultural treasures and industrial salvage available for those interested in that; condition of relics may vary. > [@Maximilian\_Crichton](#): > > Singapore’s entire business model dries up overnight, so obviously the answer is to aggressively make the case for the relief beanstalk having its anchor right in Marina Bay instead of, say, Borneo. Any homeless US Pacific Fleet assets obviously also welcome at the not-at-all-suspiciously-deep-enough-to-accomodate-carriers naval bases on site. The flip side of that, once the rescue fleet arrives, is how overjoyed they are to have a massive no-longer-heavily-used port facility, massive quantities of goods and equipment for the shipping of, _right there_. Many ships probably included. > [@Maximilian\_Crichton](#): > > There’s going to be a mad dash for the oil-generating assets now quietly ticking over in the Middle East, no matter how much the rescue fleet tears their hair out trying to promote nuclear. No bets on who wins this one. “Seriously, people, have you any idea what the spare drive power of just _one_ of the rescue freighters looks like? The one problem absolutely none of you have right now is _energy_.” > [@Maximilian\_Crichton](#): > > There’s a very big question on whether India survives. That would substantially change the pretty picture I just painted And if you swing the globe around enough that the map includes India, it also includes much more of Russia. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 5:15am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/84 "2025-03-30T05:15:26Z")
> [@Maximilian\_Crichton](#): > > How long is it before someone dusts off the term “Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere” because that’s literally all anyone has left in this situation? Honestly, I always figured out it would end up somewhat that way in the prime contact 'verse too, although probably without the, ah, “historically charged” name. I mean, you can draw a nice little curve running from Japan (who really need a solution to demographic issues and a sudden huge influx of inward investment, and _oh look_) to Singapore (already a major trade center and in a very handy location to add _offworld trade center_ to their resume), and in the middle there’s South Korea and Taiwan too as other places whose general take on civilization, while perhaps needing work in some areas, doesn’t make the modal Imperial want to spork his own eyeballs out from the horror, and… …well, yes, Certain Unpleasant Historical Differences, but there’s really nothing better at soothing Certain Unpleasant Historical Differences than the prospect of amounts of wealth requiring scientific notation to properly count, yes? (But change the name.) * * * On an additional note, here, the CCP can expect to be continually bothered by various _ciseflish_ businessmen trying to buy Hong Kong, and who are not going to be put off by the notion that it’s not for sale. (They want it more, you see?) ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 6:00am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/85 "2025-03-30T06:00:52Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > “Seriously, people, have you any idea what the spare drive power of just _one_ of the rescue freighters looks like? The one problem absolutely none of you have right now is _energy_.” “Yes yes that’s all well and good but we already have these power plants plugged into these lines, and these refineries for our plastic generation… no we don’t have time to plug this cornucopia nonsense in…hey where are you going?” ---
**Author:** ![Morgrim](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/morgrim/32/87_2.png) [@Morgrim](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Morgrim)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 8:24am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/86 "2025-03-30T08:24:55Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > Given the larger amount of China that survives now I have a better map and interpretation of same… well, I’m not sure if this qualifies as more or less of a problem, inasmuch as they would at least have enough fertile hinterland to feed themselves, maybe? On the other hand, there’s also a lot more people left to need feeding. > > (Of course, given that the east end of Russia is still there and that China has always wanted it, it’s at least plausible that some spite-fueled nukes are gonna fly, especially if Russia’s DEAD HAND system is active at the time.) Australia provides 10-20% of global wheat exports, pretty much _all_ of which goes to surviving areas. Major beef exports and a broad range of other foodstuffs too. Australia’s defence plans regarding China and Japan have always been about invasion, not destruction and bombing, because they need our port infrastructure intact. I find it interesting comparing China’s aggressive diplomacy towards Australia vs other countries; with Australia, they’re always trying to pry us away from Europe and the USA and become best buddies with them, because if it came to vicious war Australia could cripple the Chinese economy just by banning exports. While suffering hideous mutual damage, of course, so it’s always been a case of applying pressure without provoking enough spite for the aussies to cut off their own nose. With the loss of the other major grain export markets? I’m not joking when I say that the Wheatbelt (where my family is from) is probably keeping everyone who isn’t food-independent alive. And that’s a scary position to be in. ---
**Author:** ![Will\_Treaty\_2](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/will_treaty_2/32/365_2.png) [@Will\_Treaty\_2](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Will_Treaty_2)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2025, 4:45pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/87 "2025-03-30T16:45:24Z")
Well, from the sounds of it we will at least not be having to deal with all the ice in Greenland, Antarctica, most of the Arctic, and so on suddenly (read: over the course of minutes to hours) melting or even boiling from either the radiant energy or the resultant atmospheric heating? Also, what sorts of locations would have the highest probability of survival? Would nuclear weapon-hardened locations have an outside chance of survival? Perhaps some of the really deep (km+) mines might also be shielded enough? Given sufficient advance warning, some submarines might also be able to dive deep enough to avoid the worst of it? Although, AFAICT that’s only a few hundred meters rather than some kilometers. How many hundreds of meters of water would be needed to shield them from the incoming radiation, as well as whatever effects it might have on the uppermost layers of the ocean (such as rapid increases in temperature, and potential chemical reactions induced by UV radiation causing changes in, say, the pH of the water). Actually, is going below safe depth something that will instantly destroy a submarine, or could it survive seconds or even a few minutes going slightly below that? Although, I suspect I may be dramatically overestimating just how much damage is actually done to the surface on that side of the planet. Then again, in my mind the area was also shifted more towards the open Pacific and Antarctica, which may have colored my assumptions somewhat. ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2025, 5:14am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/88 "2025-03-31T05:14:20Z")
It gets worse because China is actually not at all food-independent. Throw in a reluctance to actually give the people the means of production (ha!) even if it was handed to them on a cornucopia-shaped platter, and you have a situation where strong-arming other nations into favourable agriculture deals is more desirable for the CCP ---
**Author:** ![JAPH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@JAPH](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/JAPH)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2025, 2:03pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/89 "2025-03-31T14:03:20Z")
If it’s just UV from atmospheric interactions, I think just being indoors is going to be enough to survive the initial pulse in many cases, to say nothing of being underground in something like a subway. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2025, 10:31pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/90 "2025-04-06T22:31:48Z")
Terran colonies in the Transveil with sadly inevitable names: - _New Earth_ (really? no, we’re not putting that name in the formal records, choose again.) - _Terra Nova_ (y’all had _New Earth_ already) - _Planety McPlanetface_ - _Ea-Nasir_ (copper-mining colony; its copper is no good) ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2025, 10:12pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/91 "2025-04-14T22:12:27Z")
Quite a feat if your colony can be recognized _across the galaxy_ for shitty copper. Maybe lean into tourism instead? ---
**Author:** ![doctorcatfish](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/doctorcatfish/32/141_2.png) [@doctorcatfish](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/doctorcatfish)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2025, 4:04am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/92 "2025-04-21T04:04:24Z")
_“Imperials would be very confused about a ‘princess archetype’ that doesn’t involve extensive education in law, governance, and proper use of a battle axe.”_ What about proper use of a relic big-angelic ontotech weapon? (_Star vs. the Forces of Evil_) Or proper use of a frying pan in melee and hands-on practice in _runer_ activities? (_Tangled_, including the follow-on series) ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Kenny](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/scott_kenny/32/226_2.png) [@Scott\_Kenny](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Scott_Kenny)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2025, 8:22am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/93 "2025-04-25T08:22:10Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > “Seriously, people, have you any idea what the spare drive power of just _one_ of the rescue freighters looks like? The one problem absolutely none of you have right now is _energy_.” “It’s not the energy we need, it’s _the bajillion other things_ we make from petroleum!” And those cornucopia machines do need some source of material inputs as well. Plus, I suspect that a Disaster Relief cornucopia machine would absolutely love crude oil as an input since it’s easily transportable and is full of carbon, hydrogen, and Transcend knows what other trace elements… ---
**Author:** ![Maximilian\_Crichton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Maximilian\_Crichton](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Maximilian_Crichton)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2025, 2:12am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/94 "2025-04-28T02:12:46Z")
Carbon and hydrogen is nice, but it does tend to miss the oxygen and nitrogen you need to make truly useful things, and not just hydrocarbon polymers of various shapes and sizes ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2025, 5:11pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/95 "2025-04-28T17:11:08Z")
Firstly: hydrocarbons give you carbon and hydrogen. You know what else is full of carbon and hydrogen? _Air._ These colonial air miners can produce all the carbon and hydrogen you will ever need without having to go into a burnt-off disaster area to get it. Secondly: Not to mention that your actual _needs_ for hydrocarbons for purposes other than burning them are much smaller and can easily be met from now-available local sources. Summary: Focus on the now for now. You can go get the dead men’s oil when you’re no longer likely to be joining them. ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2025, 6:25pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/96 "2025-04-30T18:25:57Z")
In linguistic things to figure out: the _ciseflish_ idiom translating approximately as “as a courtesy to a colleague and fellow sophont I strongly advise you not to do this, but if you _do_, I shall not refrain from profiting from your stupidity”. ---
**Author:** ![zakueins](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/zakueins/32/65_2.png) [@zakueins](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/zakueins)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2025, 4:51pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/97 "2025-05-03T16:51:13Z")
**Tokyo, Japan, Asia, Earth** - _New Powder Room/Bathroom/Washing Room Module Available For Sale_ In cooperation with the Empire’s Specialist Hygiene Products, Wako Manufacturing will be offering for sale their exclusive Home Toiletries Module, which is designed for newly-built homes and apartments, and for replacement units during renovation. “Our cooperation with SHP and Kohler in the United States and Europe,” according to the PR release, “has allowed us to create a distinct and creative way for apartment landlords and home owners to have the best options for new and renovated homes and apartments, incorporating classic Japanese aesthetics and Imperial hygiene technology.” The modular system is built on a 2x2 meter grid pattern with standardized plumbing, power, and data connections, which can all be attached and secured with hand tools and no cutting or physical alteration of the module or logistics to a current or new structure. The current set of modules include- - Single bathroom with sink and brilliant bidet, with a sterilizing composting toilet assembly. - Single and double-sink powder room with voice/mesh/AI-controlled lighting and an optional washer/dryer or climate-controlled pantry assembly. - Wet room with optional Japanese-style shower and bath, American-style shower/bath, walk-in shower, walk-in bath, and steam room/sauna. All baths and showers have sterilizing drains and all tubs have hot tub/Jacuzzi-style smart-controlled jets, tub heater assemblies, and variable material shells to ensure non-slip surfaces. Specialist modules for people with mobility issues can be provided, including smart-AI cleaning and bathing assistance. All modules are designed to exceed Japanese and 90% of American and European construction standards, with reinforced frameworks and “safe zone” designs in the event of natural disasters. All modules can be purchases with any number of cabinetry, flooring, vanity, and lighting materials, including Imperial-style variable materials and styling. Upgrade packages for currently installed modules are available as well. For an AR/VR package walkthrough, contact… ---
**Author:** ![Morgrim](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/morgrim/32/87_2.png) [@Morgrim](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/Morgrim)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2025, 7:44am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/98 "2025-05-04T07:44:46Z")
I hope the 10% that it doesn’t exceed means “we meet their entirely sensible requirements”. 😜 ---
**Author:** ![avatar](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/avatar/32/2_2.png) [@avatar](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/avatar)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2025, 3:46pm UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/99 "2025-05-04T15:46:48Z")
(Forgot the quote there, editing it back in:) > [@Morgrim](#): > > I hope the 10% that it doesn’t exceed means “we meet their entirely sensible requirements”. Possibilities include, I suppose, “Reduced flow for water conservation? One of the most common substances in the universe aside, you live on a _garden world_ with _over 70% hydrographic coverage_‽ How in the name of the seventy sloppy-ass devils¹ of incompetence do you have a shortage of _water_?” (Ongoing conversations may touch upon handy natural phenomena like evaporation and advanced space-magic technology like pipes, aqueducts, and canals.) Kudos to @zakueins, by the way, on remembering that to Imperials, combining a bathing chamber and a shittery is a grotesque and hideous barbarism not to be done. (Although 2x2 meters is a grid for midgets².) Meanwhile, on the subject of selling things to Americans: > In a repeat of the earlier Amazon debacle, the White House lashed out this morning over Imperial corporations listing the tariffs and other associated costs borne by consumers on their extranet direct-ordering sites. > > “This is another hostile and political act,” Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters. “And one which directly infringes on American sovereignty.” > > All Good Things, ICC, and the Min Rosell Combine Mercantile issued a joint statement opening with “Political? No. Hostile? No shit.” and going on to add that it should be obvious to the smallest of intellects that in view of their mission to unite the desirer with the desired, they would naturally be hostile to all artificial obstacles to so doing, whereever, whenever, and by whoever imposed. When questioned by reporters concerning a number of shipping options for which no tariffs were listed, their representative merely shrugged and indicated that those were “inherently zero-tariff shipping options”, declining to clarify further. > > No changes have been made or announced at the time of writing. > > When further questions were asked about the possibility of manufacturing and selling goods in the United States, journalists were referred to the 11,387-page extensive breakdown of the barriers existing to such a move prepared by the Starfall Arc Free Merchant Confraternity. > > Sadly, at this time, few members of Congress have seen fit to review or comment upon the legislation suggested in this document, the Ubiquitous Neoeconomy For Universal Contractual Kindness In a Novel Galaxy (UNFUCKING) Act. * * * 1. Sloppy ass-devils. 2. Initially considering that eldrae couldn’t lie down in that, but thinking about their bathroom fixtures in general, baths _there_ generally start with models designed to fit four people in comfort and a snack tray. ---
**Author:** ![zakueins](https://yyz2.discourse-cdn.com/free1/user_avatar/eldraeverse.discourse.group/zakueins/32/65_2.png) [@zakueins](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/u/zakueins)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2025, 1:03am UTC](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244/100 "2025-05-05T01:03:20Z")
> [@avatar](#): > > Possibilities include, I suppose, “Reduced flow for water conservation? One of the most common substances in the universe aside, you live on a _garden world_ with _over 70% hydrographic coverage_‽ How in the name of the seventy sloppy-ass devils¹ of incompetence do you have a shortage of _water_?” Well, there’s also water reclamation technology, dropping only the minimum amount of packaging into the sewers (the toilet also processes and sterilizes the…output at minimum. If you wanted a _deluxe_ bidet, it includes biological analysis and assessment, the smart washer, and water-based cologne/perfume dispensing. > [@avatar](#): > > Kudos to @zakueins, by the way, on remembering that to Imperials, combining a bathing chamber and a shittery is a grotesque and hideous barbarism not to be done. (Although 2x2 meters is a grid for midgets².) Probably have to start with a 3x3 square for the grids, and the system is designed so that if you _wanted_ to be a barbarian and include your toilet in your bathtub/shower area, you could. Or get an extended and enlarged tub, full entertainment facilities, and maybe an auto-dresser so you just have to walk out of the shower and out the door. [Previous page](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244.md?page=4) [Next page](https://eldraeverse.discourse.group/t/earth-fanfic-post-contact-hilarity-ii/1244.md?page=6)