Originally published at: Contracervisial | The Eldraeverse

SECURE STORAGE CATALOG RECORD 23-0-119674FACILITY 23 / LEVEL E / CELL 1138 / NICHE 4-11BLACK UNCLASSHAZARD RATING: NEGLIGIBLE DESIGNATION: The Antibeer HANDLING PROCEDURES: No physical (baryonic matter) contact beyond border of magnetic bottle. Ensure radiation shielding remains in place except when work with this item is in progress to prevent scintillation effects. Maintain electrical power supply to containment at all times; in event of power failure exceeding two (2) hours in length, execute special disposal protocol CT-14. Not for cismaterial consumption. DESCRIPTION: A synthetic fermented drink, the Antibeer is the product of a somewhat ill-advised wager made during an afterparty…

…yep, that’s something a bunch of drunken people having access to a particle accelerator would do.

At least they didn’t try to re-define all the measurement systems in Smoots. Or try to make Unobtanium. Or vibranium. Or adamentium.

The latter is what they do when they’re sober.

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Hazard Rating: Negligible


Also that’s like 1-2 gigatons of alcoholism right there

i.e. All you have to do to contain it is leave on its shelf and plugged in, and it will happily sit their indefinitely.

It’s not like it’s even corrosive to its containment, much less actively trying to escape and possessed of means to do so which one might consider unnatural, unlike some of the stuff sitting around in Secure Storage Facilities.

By the same standard, essentially every weapons system humanity has ever invented (except for some of the more violent chemical and biological weapons) would be classed as “Hazard Rating: Negligible”, because they need wielders; they don’t actively go out own their own to wreck shit.

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Makes me shudder a bit to think about the higher rungs of that scale…

Does the cell next door house a keg of 307 Ale?

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That one’s reserved for Klein Ale (shipped, yes, in Klein bottles), where the ethanol’s been given a twist towards the ana-kata axis. The results after consumption when the twist untwists and transfers itself to the drinker are generally quite amusing.

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