Leaving aside the issue of price, I’m not sure 5 years is enough time for the Empire to sufficiently understand the human body enough to build body mods to their standards
Ah, just shove all human biological research into an LLM, it’ll be fiiiine.
(I call it vibe doctorin’.)
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Would REALLY not like to be the heatseeker involved in the body mod scene…
“I know it’s never a wise idea to downsell eager customers, and our staff never back down from the strangest anatomical challenges–indeed, they’ll relish the opportunities you’re giving them–but humor me: Why do you all want such ridiculous genitalia?”
”Because our qalasír demands it of us, sir.”
”… Fair enough.”
- Apocryphal exchange, allegedly taking place at the +7PC AnthroCon in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
(Been looking at a lot of Gideon pieces lately.)
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“Mommy, what’s a 48-foot franchise?”
I wonder what Imperial dar-bandal would make of Bluey. (Anyone else‘s first reaction would be “I thought you didn’t have any dar-bandal uplifts,” to which the first obvious rejoinder would be “not yet.”
Two branches off that stem:
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What woulddar-bandal think of the various primitive prosophont mods sported by their cousins? Would they want to splice any? Would they want to lynch the knuckle-dragging pseudoeldrae that came up with such perversions? Maybe both?
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I see my category error from before. It’s not ennui at all. It’s Chilli Heeler just needing twenty minutes because the kids are up to the same nonsense for the 28,673,153rd time, and you can’t blame them, they’re kids, and it’s all part of the slow but rewarding process of raising proper adults [or adult civilizations], but sometimes you just need a ground-and-center break, you know?
Thoughts on their reactions to Earth media…
- First, what sorts of villains in Earth media would tend to resonate most strongly, for better or for worse, with Imperials?
- My thought was that they would tend to be those where they can see exactly how they went down that path, reached those conclusions, and understand just how they got there. Perhaps even ones where their motives are all too familiar; the villain merely went too far, crossed the line.
- Second, what sorts of movie scenes would tend to be particularly heartrending for Imperials?
- Both in terms of scenes that would tend to be just as heart wrenching for them as they are for us (the end of Old Yeller comes to mind, as well as the beginning of Up), and in terms of ones that would be particularly devastating for them (perhaps hitting far too close to home)?
Somewhere, there is an Imperial hobbyist who goes, “high-quality reproduction linens that I can turn a profit with? Okay!”
We’ve had some serious doomscrolling and doomwriting here, but after watching how many people just found out that Japanese and American people share a love of BBQ and different ways to prepare meat, classic Americana, and our unique hobbies…
….what happens when Elon rolls out the Imperial language translation function on Twitter posts and what sort of just plain wholesomeness will humans and Imperial citizens share?
(Yes, I see maid cafes involved at some point. Intense yet extremely discrete service that is much art as job…)
Doctor Octopus becomes a meme.
(He is an octopus. He also has a doctoral degree in marine exobiology. And he does not see why it is so funny.)
As does, thanks to esseli memeweaves:
“How humans dexitrobope if not have splanch?”
(”So few organs. Feel bad for you. Want more? Lung, liver, pipe, Hammond?”)
It’ll be full of mistranslations ranging from hilarious to would-be-fighting-words-if-it-were-sentient and every fourth translation would include a mention of how Elno clearly deserves honorary Imperial Citizenship due to being a visionary genius and all round excellent person.
Within a week, some enterprising imperial with a penchant for linguistics and a fondness for quaint (by Eldrae standards) programming languages will code an Mozilla/Chrome translator extension that doesn’t just translate but inserts cultural overlay references to help memes from either side to make sense to the other.
Hexapodia is the key insight, obviously.
(Not like language translation isn’t a standard extranet feature, anyway.)
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Today’s musing is on the poor sods stuck trying to explain that due to a low-trust society, sometimes when a human is doubting an eldrae’s word that is not a sign they think the eldrae is lying, it’s more the human wondering if the eldrae can actually pull it off. Hopefully the ones that come visit initially won’t be too offended by requests for evidence, proof, and/or showing off of past deeds before believing said eldrae.
That particular gnostic overlay will not make the Eldrae happy…
Don’t do that here, please.
“You get one opportunity to inquire into the value of my word before I take offense. And, t’be clear, that was it.”
Fuck. I have to go testify. 
Since I need a cheer-me-up:
Swarovski Releases New “Sky Diamonds” Range
Building off their existing lab-grown diamond collection, Swarovski has announced their new “Sky Diamond” range. Utilising carbon organizer technology, each piece is grown layer by crystalline layer from atmospheric carbon dioxide, before the pieces are complemented by the art of their exceptional jewellers.
Each piece comes with a unique laser engraving to mark its authenticity, and a certificate of how much pollution was removed during its manufacture.
The unique combination of traditional gem-cutting with carbon organizer precision allows for previously unachievable designs, and we look forward to seeing what new creations Swarovski will unveil in future.
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