Timeo Danaos et Dona Ferentes: Random Stuff That May Or May Not Ever Be Used Thread

Starting with last night’s:

“You need my help selling Rachel on what?”


Lisa looked at the tiny plush Undersider in Taylor’s hand. It was adorable . The three plush dogs that came with it were even more so. She could feel another not-Thinker headache coming on.

“How did you make that so cute?”

“Oh, you should see how cute the dogs are when they transform. It can also offer helpful advice on caring for your own dog and monitor their health, all proceeds from its sale are split between the Brockton Bay Humane Society and a variety of wolf, dog, and coyote-focused charities, and comes with the start of a line of comic books about Bitch, the Protector of Puppies, who rose above her tragic origin story to become the friend of all dog-kind, and her valiant battles against the evil Hookwolf.” Taylor’s grin was appropriately lupine. “The memetic layers are so dense they’re crystallizing out at the bottom, but by the time this little beauty has been on the market for a month, the PRT won’t be able to so much as suggest arresting her without being knee-deep in weeping children and angry cynophiles.”

“And it’ll make the Empire furious.”

“Meh, we can take 'em. Hey, you want to see the design for yours?”

Of course, that’s part of the second wave of merch, right after the “The Undersiders Robbed My Bank, But At Least I Got This Lousy T-Shirt” shirts. :yum:

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“There is not a sufficient body of evidence to suggest that transplanting the core knowledge of ancient alien civilizations into human minds will always lead to inappropriate giggling and the broadcasting of ‘sufficiently epic’ film soundtracks during Endbringer fights, but currently there is a 1::1 correlation between the two.”

  • PRT internal memo


  • Taylor Hebert, three days earlier
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“Why are you stunning gang members and dumping them outside the city limits?”

“Just doing my job, ma’am!” The disturbingly cute spider-bot saluted. “I’m a Mr. Justice™! I was created to protect and serve the good people of Brockton Bay in these trying post-Leviathan times.”

“…so why are you dumping them there naked?”

“Okay, that’s just because it’s funny.”

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Are you kidding? There are people who would collect those T-shirts, and trade them to be signed, then Taylor and the Undersiders will do authentic signed T-shirts and auction them off to charity…

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Oh, this is going to involve very nonymous vigilante stuff.

Dear PRT,

Please find enclosed one Hookwolf-in-a-Box. I suggest you open carefully, as he is a very bad boy indeed.

Love and kisses,

Her Elvishness

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Ordered 1/5-scale Mark 33 Iron Man statue, received angry Hookwolf.

0/10, will not order from company again.

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