Quantum entanglement doesn't work that way, either

If you’re thinking of tangle channels, they don’t use quantum entanglement. (Since we assume for this ‘verse that a nonlocal hidden variables interpretation of quantum mechanics is true, we can communicate over the nonlocal update channels.) Quantum entanglement works exactly as it appears to – as it would have to, otherwise quantum encryption and quantum computing wouldn’t work – and is, indeed, useless for communication.